Why I am here (Part 1)...

Hey all! Sorry my blogs aren't going to be as long or grammatically correct as I would like for the first couple days of the. Onference but the Internet at the hotel leaves something to be desired so all of my blogs, Tweets, emails and Facebook status' thus far have come through my iPhone (thank you Wendy and Darrell!!) I want to begin by telling you all why I am here and how I became involved in WomenNC (skip to next blog if you are more interested in the days events). When I was little I always felt that was some something wrong with why all the Disney movies I watched portrayed girls as princesses that always had to be rescued while the boys always got to fight the bad guy and save the day (Hannah's presentation does a great job of explaining this further). Perhaps this is why during some periods of my life I rebelled from these stereotypes and engaged in warrior fights with my brother (sorry mom). This underlying feeling of that I didn't measure up as a girl to my boy counter parts led me to be very confused, insecure and defeated and I thank God and my parents (and my Grandfather and friend Courtney) for bringing horses into my life at age 10 otherwise I think those inssercurities could have manifested in more dangerous ways than wanting to be a cowgirl and handle all the "men's work" on a farm. I was also so fortunate to have so many positive and inspiring female role models from my mom to my horseback riding instructors to my teachers at school to 4-H leaders. I had and still have so many great women friends to lean on and learn from. By the time I went to college I had not forgotten about gender norms but I no longer actively investigated how these issues affected my life because in a small conservative town gender roles were not topics challenged or issues that were approved as appropriate conversation. Things still happened and were said that I wasnt comfortable with - but I had learned that me standing up and saying that I didn't like men calling women "sluts" or objectivifying the women and girls at my school only got me teased and shunned. I mostly found refuge in my church where, even though topics of gender rarely occurred, everyone was loved and respected. When I arrived at NCSU I was passionate only about horses but looking back now I can see my activist longings starting to show and be nurtured through the Universty Scholars Program and learning about cultural diversity around the world but also the discrimination and violence that unfortunately occumpanies diversity too often. At the same time I was becoming more and more stoic and hardened to the way college men especially treated and talked about women as if we were pieces of meat- commodities to be used and then thrown away. I am disgusted to say I tolerated that language happening around me - but the truth is I felt powerless to stop it. (Later I will discuss how these attitudes contribute to a culture that tolerates violence against women and girls). What I did not know at the time is that one in four college women will be raped or attempted raped before she graduates- this isn't information colleges and universities like to share with parents at orientation. I wonder what the reaction would be... Before the end if my sophmore year multiple women I knew had been raped or sexually assaulted. Most by men who they knew - not strangers but "friends" they had made during their time at State - in some cases boyfriends who they had been dating for years. I didnt know what to do with that information. How could this happen? How could this happen to women I knew when society had always told me that if women are careful and took self defense classes that this wouldnt happen to them? How could this happen when we have also been told to beware of the stranger lurking under your car or inthe bushes? How do you protect yourself from these perpetrators when they could be anyone? And how would I ever be able to trust a man again when these women had trusted the men who assaulted them? How could I ever know again who was trustworthy? And most importantly of all why were these women now being blamed for the violence that another person had perpetrated against them (well what was she wearing, was she drinking)? At the same time I began working with CORRAL - a start up nonprofit the identified preteen girls in Wake County and used/s (I work for this organization today) mentoring, tutoring and horses to bring healing and growth to hear hurting girls. Many of these girls had/have been abused already in their short lives. Hearing the stories of these girls enraged me even further and made me determined to find answers to my questions In the process of finding help and answers for these women and girls (and with the help and support of friends) I found some answers through the class and student organization called The Movement at NCSU. To be continued...